Life is not as easy as your favorite quotes (NDK, 2011)

Berdamai dengan Diri Sendiri

Terakhir update Oktober 2022 dan baru dibuka lagi di pertengahan tahun 2023…

Hello Tika yang katanya mau produktif nulis blog 🫠

Cerita sedikit tentang perkuliahan offline dulu ya karena pada dasarnya memang kuliah offline tahun 2022 gak menarik dan banyak intrik serta konflik.

Dealing with people pleasers is tiring the hell outta me. Belum lagi manusia-manusia yang tidak bisa membedakan mana yang namanya berpendapat dan debat kusir. Padahal titelnya mahasiswa strata 3 tapi cara berpikir tidak jauh beda dari anak SMA.

Tapi karena intrik dan konflik di dunia kerja a.k.a kantor jauh lebih horor dan parah jadinya gak penting juga untuk dibahas apalagi disimpan di memory otak. Your brain gets better things to store anyway.

Tahun 2023 ini diriku mulai berjibaku dengan yang namanya komisi pembimbing, proposal dan ujian-ujian sebelum memulai penelitian. Seperti biasa bukan Ipebeh namanya kalo alurnya gak panjang dan kompleks. Mau protes tapi dari tahun ke tahun memang seperti itu dan karena mahasiswanya bisa menjalaninya jadi tidak ada alasan untuk mengubah tatanan atau sistem yang mungkin dirasa mahasiswa terlalu ribet dan melelahkan.

Penelitian untuk S3 kali ini berhubungan dengan Renewable Energy dari biomassa dengan melihat dampak lingkungan dari emisinya dan menyusun strategi apakah bisa suatu industri dibangun di lokasi yang punya sumber bahan baku melimpah.

Mungkin terdengar ‘simple’ tapi untuk diriku yang S1 dan S2nya beda jauh, gak punya pengetahuan tentang teknik kimia, teknik industri dan teknik lingkungan tentunya penelitian kali ini ngeri-ngeri sedap. Mengutip kalimatnya Mbak Der

“Banyak-banyak doa, Nad.. Biar dipermudah dan diperlancar penelitiannya sampai selesai tepat waktu sesuai jadwal”

Modal awal memang Bismillah, niat dan tekad karena untuk topiknya sendiri menarik untuk diteliti. Cuma metode analisisnya baru dipelajari. Alhamdulillah ketemu dosen-dosen pembimbing yang mau membimbing mahasiswa tanpa background spesifik ini.

Diriku juga butuh orang yang paham tentang analisis kelayakan finansial. Siapa pun yang bise menolong tolong DM diriku, plis 😁

Sidang Komisi, Ujian Kualifikasi Tertulis dan Ujian Kualifikasi Lisan sudah lewat meskipun kurang memuaskan dari segi proses tapi nilai akhirnya lumayan bisa mendongkrak nilai-nilai yang diturunin karena diriku tidak ikut field trip kelas Januari lalu.

Alasannya banyak tapi malas bahas hal gak penting yekan.

Tiap hadir di promosi Doktor, rasanya ingin segera juga menyelesaikan si S3 ini tapi sadar perjalanan masih panjang 🥲

Kebayang sih nanti pas promosi doktor dari keluarga pastinya tidak ada yang hadir. Both my parents are old enough to go traveling, and Dramaga is freaking too far away from anywhere. They have some issues with their health esp legs.

Nomor 1 dan Nomor 2 kemungkinan besar juga gak hadir. Kerjaan mereka di RS tentunya lebih penting dan terutama buat Nomor 2, Tarakan – Bogor itu jauh dan mahal.

Diriku pun belum punya suami, jadi belum bisa kaya orang-orang tiap selesai defense disertasi terbukanya bilang begini,

“Terima kasih sebesar-besarnya kepada istri/suami saya yang memberikan semangat dan dukungan selama studi dan penelitian”

LOL 😆

Hal yang sering dibahas bareng Uchoi karena sampai detik blog ini diketik status kita berdua masih single dan mingle 😉

Mirip waktu wisuda S2 karena gak ada yang hadir akhirnya undangan untuk 2 orang dikasih ke teman seangkatan siapa tau mau nonton seremonialnya dan Alhamdulillah karena mereka hadir akhirnya ada footage pas dipanggil ke depan buat mindahin tali toga dari kiri ke kanan.

Paling nanti endingnya undang Kichy, Mbak Der, Miko sama Mbak Lastri.

Mereka berempat yang selalu mendukung mulai dari proses pendaftaran beasiswa, sekolah, sampai penelitian. Tempat berkeluh kesah terutama kalo lagi minder dan gak pede sama otak sendiri.

Tapi lagi-lagi mengingat lokasi kampus dramaga jauh dari pusat kota jadinya diriku tak terlalu berharap mereka berempat bisa hadir 🥲

Tinggal satu step lagi seminar proposal supaya penelitian ini bisa dimulai. Mana lokasinya di dua tempat jadi mulai sekarang harus berhemat 😆 terutama kulineran, OMG!

Bagian paling sulit.

Kali ini cuma mau cerita sedikit aja tentang progres sekolah. Untuk pertama kalinya juga orang tua ‘concern’ sama sekolah diriku setelah S1 dan S2 mereka beneran DGAF tentang jurusan apa yang diambil, penelitian apa yang mau dikerjakan dan dimana penelitiannya.

Bahas tentang orang tua….

Ceritanya pulang mudik kemarin diriku sempat ngobrol rada serius sama Mamake. Tentunya obrolan seputar pernikahan dan sebagainya.

Jadi diantara kita bertiga yang sudah nikah si nomor 3. Nomor 1 dan 2 belum dan kemungkinan juga yg Nomor 1 bilang tidak.

Bertanyalah diriku,

“Ini misalnya ya Ma, jika pada akhirnya kita berdua gak ada yang nikah gimana? Bukan gak mau ya. Is it okay?”

I was stating a fact, though.

Mengingat umur juga udah tidak muda lagi dan terutama untuk wanita, menikah di usia mendekati kepala 4 itu suatu hal yang sulit terjadi. Kecuali kalo memang jodohnya ketemu di umur segitu dan ketemu orang yang benar-benar bisa saling mengerti. Karena sudah bisa dipastikan goalsnya beda jauh dengan goals ketika menikah di umur masih kepala 2 atau early thirty.

“Gak masalah. Jangan pernah nikah karena dikejar umur atau gara-gara dipaksa orang lain. Malah Mama gak mau semisal nikah malah bermasalah dan pisah atau cerai. Bahkan ya amit-amit sampe ada kadeerte. Jalani aja hidup ini baik-baik, jadi orang baik dan kalo misalnya ditemukan sama jodohnya ya dipikirkan baik-baik”

Jawaban Mamake beneran bikin diriku tersenyum dan happy. Paling penting memang dari Orang tua dulu. When they’re cool with it, bisa dipastikan diriku pun cool juga 😎

Kebanyakan orang malah yang sibuk tanya tentang pernikahan adalah keluarga atau orang tua sendiri. Alhamdulillah paling gak satu hal yang selama ini lumayan membebani jadinya terangkat dan terhempas ke lautan samudera 😌

She also said,

“Kebahagiaan orang tua itu bukan karena anak udah nikah semua atau punya cucu. Tapi lihat kalian sehat dan bahagia menjalani hidup saja sudah cukup. Lainnya itu bonus.”

Untuk diriku yang certified INTP-A, interacting with people or new people ain’t easy. Exhausted malahan. Belum lagi kalo misalnya mood lagi kurang bagus tapi terpaksa interaksi sama orang, biasanya malah kalimat yang keluar kurang enak didengar dan bikin lawan bicara tersinggung. Akhirnya timbul konflik tak terduga berdurasi lama.

Padahal diriku tak ada maksud.

Emang paling bener kalo lagi not in a good mood itu tidur, bukan interaksi sama manusia.

Topik ini sering dibahas bareng sesama teman yang nasibnya sama dengan diriku. 30 something (some of them are already 40) dan belum berkeluarga. Semakin hari semakin banyak pertimbangan, ditambah banyak rumah tangga teman dan keluarga yang gagal pastinya jadi salah satu faktor kenapa komitmen untuk hidup dengan orang lain itu gak mudah. Apalagi kalo masing-masing punya isu yang belum selesai.

Istilahnya unfinished business 😬

Intinya…

Just live your life to the fullest, embrace everything in life even if it is your mistakes, at least you can learn something to be a better person after that.

Be happy myself,

Be genuinely happy 😊

June 11, 2023June 12, 2023 by thevetiaperuvia

I am (a bit) hard to love~~~

Ain’t no magic tool to fix it
You should keep your distance
I’m only telling you because I care..

Dulu niat punya blog ini buat menumpahkan segala curhatan mulai dari gak bermutu sampai yang lumayan bermutu. Seiring berjalannya waktu malah gak pernah nulis blog sama sekali dari post yang terakhir tentang 100 random things about me.

Daijoubu desu ka?

Hmm…

Alhamdulillah daijoubu desu. Physically fine (meskipun mulai banyak keluhan kesehatan karena mulai manula), mentally fine, overall fine 🙂

Hanya saja….

Diriku mulai disadarkan sama banyak hal terutama tentang hidup.

Oiya awal tahun ini Alhamdulillah dikasih kepercayaan sama yang Maha Kuasa untuk sekolah lagi. Masih di Institusi yang lama dan jurusan yang diambil gak jauh sama jurusan S2 dulu.

Struggling?

Itu sih gak usah ditanya, kapan gw gak struggling tiap sekolah. Tapi mungkin karena ada amanat yang harus diemban 😌 jadinya belajar itu ‘wajib’ mengingat kondisi otak tidak seprima dulu. Untungnya sekarang ada internet, google gratis, youtube isinya juga sangat membantu sekali. Tapi gak usah cerita tentang sekolah dulu ya karena setahun ini gw masih kuliah kelas (biasanya kalo S3 udh gak ada kuliah kelas apalagi praktikum kalo di Universitas lain tapi kalo di mari itu sebuah kewajiban, again, suruh siapa yekan gw masuk sini lagi, namanya juga sudah jatuh cinta, mau gimana lagi 😆.

“Lo ternyata orangnya setia banget ya Tika” ujar beberapa teman ketika tempo hari hangout bareng.

“Bayangin aja kurang emosi gimana coba waktu S1 dulu sampe nangis-nangis di telpon mau ngempesin ban mobil orang saking keselnya, belom lagi pas skripsi perbaikan 9 kali, heran gw sama lo malah sampe S3 di sana”

Haaahh that day!!!

Tapi untungnya kan gak jadi commited a crime, karena ada teman baik yang jadi penolong di saat darurat. Allah itu selalu baik dan menolong di saat yang tepat. Mungkin kalo gak ada si teman itu yakin gw bakal perbaikan yang kesepuluh kesebelas dst.

“Commit sekali memang, bahkan tentang hal itu pun dia masih commit sampe sekarang” Sambil ngelirik, ngaduk cafe latte, senyum penuh arti, seketika yang lain pun liatin gw.

“JANGAN BILANG……….” teriak mereka setengah menjerit tertahan karena dari tadi selalu diliatin orang karena ya begitu lah kalo ngobrol makin seru volume suara makin gak terkontrol.

Hello world 👋

Dulu mungkin gak kepikiran dan gak dipikirin juga tentang topik yang mau dibahas sekarang ini, tapi karena sudah banyak orang yang berkomentar dan isinya juga seragam jadi mungkin blog kali ini isinya lumayan panjang 😆

Pursuing higher degree a.k.a Doctoral degree a.k.a S3 memang sudah direncanakan dari jauh-jauh hari. Jadi sebagai satu-satunya anak Mamak Rita dan Bapak Chotman yang tidak mengambil Kedokteran, diriku pernah bluffing dan tanpa mikir panjang bilang gini…

“Tika gak bakal jadi Dokter tapi bakal jadi Doktor”

Dulu mana tau ya kalo jadi Dokter, butuh kurang lebih 4 tahun sekolah kedokteran dan 2 tahun co-asst, sedangkan S3 itu butuh 4 tahun S1, 2 tahun S2 (and I pretty much fckd up my master’s degree, took me long enough to complete the program) dan 3 tahun paling cepat (ini juga jarang banget apalagi di PSL 3 tahun lulus) untuk S3. Butuh ngejalanin yang namanya penelitian, seminar proposal, seminar hasil, sidang akhir dan belum lagi syarat jurnal. Kesimpulannya kalimat yang dilontarkan dulu ke orang tua dalam rangka rebel amat sangat tidak bertanggung jawab dan tidak dipikirkan matang-matang sehingga berimbas ke pola pikir dan hidup yang gw jalani 😥

Seringkali ditanya rencananya apa ke depan.

Jawaban gw selalu “Jika belum ada tanda hilal jodoh atau menikah ya gw bakal sekolah lagi.”

The answer never changes, I am pretty much consistent with what I want to do in my life despite being a true blood Libra ♎️

Sekolah itu selain wajib juga hobi buat gw. Bukan berarti nilai gw selama sekolah tinggi tiap mata kuliah, ofc not 🤣 I just LOOOOOVEEE being a scholar/student. Kalo ditanya orang pekerjaannya apa, gw happy kalo jawabnya “Pelajar”. I know itu bukan pekerjaan dalam artian menghasilkan uang, tapi gimana dong, it sounds satisfying to my ears after the sound of ca$h.

Keluarga terutama orang tua tentu saja mendukung, secara mereka selalu tanya “Kapan sekolah lagi?” tiap di telepon atau pas balik mudik ke rumah. Gw termasuk beruntung punya orang tua yang gak pressuring dengan pertanyaan kapan nikah. Dari kita bertiga, adik gw doang yang udah nikah, gw masih soon dan gitu juga kakak gw, hahahaha 😆

Teman-teman gw rata-rata mendukung program sekolah lagi tapi ada juga beberapa yang mempertanyakan bahkan nyuruh gw mikir berkali-kali karena menurut mereka:

“Tujuannya apa?”

“Manfaatnya apa?”

“Gak takut malah semakin sulit mendapatkan jodoh karena laki-laki biasanya gak suka kalo cewek pendidikannya lebih tinggi?”

“Apa lo mau jadi direktur/ bos”

Terakhir yang lumayan bikin gw tersontak kaget

“Inget umur lo, sekarang aja lo belum nikah, apalagi nanti S3, makin susah dan sorry ya semakin berumur makin sulit punya anak”

Well..well..well…..

Gw jawab satu-satu ya…

Tujuan sekolah tidak lain tidak bukan karena itu kewajiban buat gw, sekalian menyalurkan hobi. Ditambah di tempat kerja sekarang sekolah itu masuk target kinerja pegawai, selama gw masih digaji dan nyari duit di institusi yang sekarang, mau gak mau harus ikut sama aturan yang berlaku. Gw seneng sekolah karena belajar hal baru, ketemu orang-orang baru, intinya ada kepuasan tersendiri yang gak bisa dijelaskan dengan kata-kata. Sekalinya gw gak menikmati sekolah itu waktu S1, kebayang gak sih karena kecewa yang nantinya pas udah setua ini gw baru tau alasan Mamak Rita gak kasih izin buat daftar ke Itebeh tahun 2003 dulu. Rebelnya gw saat S1 adalah gak belajar sama sekali, modul kuliah lengkap tapi tiap ujian disentuh aja gak, bahkan gw pinjemin buat teman belajar. Terus gw ngapain? Main game hidden objects segala versi. Ada satu masa gw ‘belajar’ rancangan percobaan karena ada yang bilang kalo nilainya C gak bisa ikut magang. Nilai UTS waktu itu kayanya 30 sekian, akhirnya di hari minggu pagi-pagi buta gw pergi ke kost anak statistik buat minta diajarin, seharusnya dia pergi ke Gereja tapi dengan tengilnya gw bilang “Gak dosa kan kalo gak ke Gereja sekali”. Drill soal-soal udah berasa mo SPMB sampe Maghrib. Akhirnya nilai Rancangan Percobaan gw B, kebayang kan nilai UASnya gimana 🤣.

Hey, Marbun, I thank you a lot ya…

Manfaat sekolah hampir mirip sama tujuan yang ditulis di atas. Selama gw masih kerja di sini ya manfaatnya paling gak menaikkan gaji gw sebesar 50 ribu 🤣 It is actually a sarcasm. My aunt invented that statement when she knew I was pursuing master’s degree. This was like a bitter fact for her to be honest. Sekalian menjawab tentang apakah gw berencana menjadi direktur? Tidak segampang itu Linda, betapa banyak S3 berserakan di tempat gw kerja, bahkan dari lulusan luar negeri, apakah mereka jadi direktur? Tidak. Bahkan statusnya sering jadi Engineering Staff sama ky gw dan lulusan S1 lainnya. Kok bisa? Pastinya bisa lah, apalagi kalo emang gak punya ‘modal’ buat jadi pemimpin.

Nah berikutnya ini bagian yang sebenernya lebih enak dijawab langsung daripada pake tulisan. Emosinya lebih ngena, hahaha

Pertanyaan yang kadang gw juga heran bisa-bisanya kalimat begitu terlontar dan kalo ditanya balik ke yang bersangkutan jawabannya “Ya gw sih gak bakal berpikir ky lo, Tika. Makanya gw sudah berkeluarga” 😂

Sure thing, you’re happy enough, aren’t you?

Gak ada korelasi antara lulusan S1/S2/S3 dengan jumlah kandidat jodoh 😮‍💨 Kalo emang belum waktunya dan belum dikasih ya belum aja mau gimana juga. Manusia itu hanya bisa doa, usaha sama ikhtiar. Gitu juga perihal punya anak. Sambil menunggu ya gw berusaha memperbaiki diri (meskipun syulit syekali pemirsyah) terutama mengatasi banyak kekhawatiran dan trauma di hidup. Bukan mau cari excuses ya tapi beberapa hal yang terjadi sama teman-teman lumayan berpengaruh terhadap cara pandang gw dalam menjalin hubungan dengan lawan jenis. Mungkin banyak yang bilang:

“Lo jangan takut, itu kan kehidupan orang lain”

But the one who will deal with everything if things go wrong nantinya juga gw ya, bukan orang-orang yang wise sekali kasih pendapat.

PTSD is something that I have never thought that would give such a huge impact in my life. I will not blame anyone for giving me such traumatic memories (gak perlu dibahas juga detailnya apa) ditambah lagi kondisi dunia fana saat ini bener-bener bikin gw istighfar berkali-kali.

Gw sadar kalo udah tua dan gw juga bukan tipe orang yang berpegang teguh pada quote “umur boleh tua tapi jiwa raga tetap muda”

No…

Berasa manula banget malah, badan gampang sakit, pegel, nyeri belum lagi gerd yang semisal acting up bikin anxiety semakin menjadi-jadi.

Balik lagi ke pertanyaan masalah umur, S3 dan jodoh. Pada dasarnya gw gak peduli if the opposite gender punya tingkat pendidikan di bawah gw. Let say bahkan lulusan SMU, karena gw banyak ketemu suami-suami orang yang lulusan SMU tapi mereka lebih established dalam pekerjaan dan cara berpikir. Gw berpikir orang-orang punya alasan sendiri kenapa gak lanjut kuliah, selama bukan karena alasan MALAS karena ketika ketemu orang MALAS gw pun MALAS, dan menurut Mamak Rita “MALAS itu gak ada obatnya”.

Being an Alpha female.

Some friends told me that I was such an alpha female. Karena terlalu mandiri, apa-apa dikerjakan sendiri, kesannya gak butuh opposite gender. They also said that Alpha Woman needed a man who was her equal, her partner, her greatest supporter. By definition, you would think that I wanted an Alpha male who can provide passion (but not steadiness though) and did not get along with Beta male because they’re too weak or pique my interest. Pada dasarnya gw gak paham dengan per-alpha-beta-gamma-omega thingy selain yang ada di Manga omegaverse 🤣

Me being such a tough lady because I need to not that I want to.

Imagine living separately with your family since you graduated high school until now. Kalo gak tough tentunya diriku tidak akan bekerja di Tangerang Selatan dari tahun 2009 apalagi pekerjaan gw bukanlah pekerjaan dengan gaji yang menyenangkan. Some people will say “Kan belum nikah belum berkeluarga, masa gak bisa nabung” jengah memang lama-lama denger narasi yang sama berkali-kali. Tapi apa perlu dijelasin kenapa sulit sekali menabung? Tentu tidak, they are nobody and they do not need any explanation to begin with.

Tentunya seperti wanita pada umumnya, keberadaan opposite gender itu perlu, tapi logically speaking instead of saying “untuk menyempurnakan agama”, gw lebih ngerasa kalo pada dasarnya gw gak mau sendirian aja sampe tua, hahahaha…

Kita pasti butuh teman ngobrol dan curhat, gak mungkin juga gw curhat melulu sama Kichy atau Mbak Der atau Miko atau siapa pun yang dulu suka gw curhatin. Apalagi nih ya kalo lagi sakit, entah karena Gerd kumat atau vertigo datang tanpa diundang, kadang kalo lagi sendirian suka meneteskan air mata sendiri, sedih gw. Makanya waktu gw balik ke rumah sampe 3 bulan dan qadarulloh demam+batuk+pilek, gw gak ngerasa sedih karena ada orang tua. Dikasih makan, diajak ngobrol dan ditanyain mo makan apa, hahahahaha simple banget gw kan, so simple.

Being a single ‘alpha female’ ternyata tetep juga bikin gw sulit kemana-mana karena setelah tau kalo di Islam, wanita itu wajib ada mahramnya tiap bepergian jauh. Makanya gw langsung mengurungkan niat sekolah ke LN bahkan jadi gak punya keinginan kemana-mana selain ke tanah suci. Itu juga katanya kalo alone kagak boleh kudu ada mahram 😦

Padahal gw masih ingin ke Shirakawa-go lagi di musim yang berbeda.

See, I still need opposite gender’s existence.

Orang tua gw emang jarang bahkan gak pernah kayanya tanya-tanya tentang siapa yang kita suka atau lagi dekat sama siapa, sekalinya dulu pernah ada yang gw suka dan diceritain, berlalu aja itu ceritanya. Bapak Chotman malah gak tertarik buat tau apalagi tanya sama sekali, beliau cuma tau gw suka sama Yunho TVXQ dan Rob Bourdon drummernya Linkin Park (I bet he already forgot it anyway).

But Mamak Rita knows opposite gender whom I like.

Back then and now.

Hell yeah.

I am pretty much consistent 🙂

Okay, enough about the opposite gender.

Intinya gw tidak masalah dengan perbedaan tingkat pendidikan. Gak paham juga kenapa hal tersebut jadi isu penting, apakah kaum opposite gender jadi gak pede jika wanitanya punya pendidikan lebih tinggi?

Why?

Tell me.

I wanna share some post from thegoodquote, actually it was taken from Ruby Dhal’s book “Dear Self” karena represent what I feel, and I want the most.

Those posts sum up everything that I want to explain.

Jangan sampai menikah karena terpaksa atau dipaksa.

Sebagai seseorang yang menganggap pernikahan itu sakral, gw gak mau hanya karena ‘omongan’ orang jadinya pasrah yang penting nikah.

God knows me the best and what’s the best for me after all

No need to rush into marriage, take your time 🙂

Cause I’m hard to love, find it hard to trust
When it feels too good, I just fck it up
You want all of me, I can’t give that much
So don’t fall too hard, ’cause I’m hard to love~~~

Note: This post is posted exactly on October 9, exactly on my birthday, happy world post day everyone!

Happy 36 Tika!

(Exactly my favorite numbers, 369)

October 9, 2022October 9, 2022 by thevetiaperuvia

100 random things about me (updated)

This is an updated version of 100 random facts about me. I don’t know if they’re interesting or not. I’ve listed almost all random things that I know about myself. Here you go!

1. Based on Islamic calendar my birthdate was 7th Safar 1407 H

2. I got Nadia as my first name because my Dad refused his mom’s suggestion, “Diana”. I used to ‘dislike’ that name and preferred to be called Tika instead but I tried to accept it 👌 (my dad said that Stefani would also become the candidate name 🙄)

3. I have 2 sisters who are doctors. The eldest is a Neurologist and the youngest is general practitioner.

4. MBTI personality is INTP but I also got INTJ and INFJ once.

5. Yes, I am an introvert person until I feel comfortable around someone, I can be an extrovert but not too that extent. It takes a long time for me to open up and talk about something.

6. I’ve been wearing Hijab since August 2014. Right after landing from Palembang 😂

7. My Momma called me TIKUS ANGIN.

8. I spent my Elementary school in SD Inpres 536 and SD Inpres 57, All hail Inpres school!

9. I was born on October 9

10. I cannot draw and paint at all.

11. I was so skinny until I got my first period in 2nd grade of Junior high (I know you wont believe it 😏) It was so uncontrollable (until now).

12. I got a fist fight with a boy, thrice 😂

13. I was a huge fan of Linkin Park in the year of 2000 and at the same time I thought I finally found my soulmate (Read: Rob Bourdon). He was my totally my type for so long.

14. I have been bullied since elementary school until now. Imagine getting bullied for simply breathing

15. I am a bit obsessive about cleanliness, arrangement and organizing stuffs at some point but my room aint that clean, well arranged and organized. Esp when the corovirus ourbreak started, I became more paranoid than ever.

16. I don’t like loud noises, esp when people shout or yell right in front of my face. My left ear will sting and it irritates me a lot.

17. I often fail to make sure that things are symmetrical. Blame astigmatism.

18. Deadline tasks excite me. Working under pressure is totally fine by me 🤭

19. I used to like sweet and sour stuffs but not anymore

20. I don’t smoke.

21. I used to love music a lot like A LOT but something happened and I decided to stop listening to it 🙂

22. I can cook and bake. I really want to have a proper kitchen in the future. I can spend my time cooking and baking.

23. My dream house is a warm industrial style house.

24. I have few friends. You can count them with your fingers. I cannot trust people easily.

25. I play the antagonist role, so I just can play and get along with protagonists.

26. I am obsessed with Black and Red (more like maroon).

27. I can change my personality drastically depends on the person whom I talk and the condition or situation surrounds me.

28. I treasure friendship a lot but also get disappointed a lot.

29. I love orchids but I don’t like when people give me a flower bouquet, I prefer a fancy flowerpot with soil and a real plant inside.

30. I love cats and dogs to the point that I want to have a huge yard only for them.

31. Saving money is the hardest thing to do in my life. Why?

32. I don’t like dolls or plushies.

33. Satsuki Shindou is my most ideal type of man. Just google it!

34. I stop going to cinemas, karaoke ever since I got Sudden Sensorineuro Hearing Loss. Yeap my left ear aint perfect anymore.

35. I love sneakers and flat shoes. I really really really wanna buy Air Jordan black n red version for women.

36. My imagination level is high, too high though.

37. I talk randomly and not all my friend can keep up with it.

38. I tend to throw things at someone when I get mad and I am a reactive-passive-aggressive person when I am fuming.

39. I tend to forget bad memories.

40. I have a sharp tongue, I talk a little but it will ‘kill’ people immediately, hahaha. Certified by my momma.

41. I love Indonesia but I don’t like the government system in here and too bad, I am working in a government institution. What a sad reality.

42. I once told my Dad that I would work at NASA if he allowed me to take Astronomy major then he refused it.

43. Japan, New Zealand and Switzerland are my fave countries. They have one thing in common.

44. I observe everything and trust my instinct.

45. Although the pain is real, but I am proud to be a student of Bogor Agricultural University.

46. I easily catch cold and diarrhea.

47. I love being at the airport

48. I cannot eat spicy food

49. Season between Autumn-Winter is my fave.

50. My favorite drink is any kind of Matcha with soymilk or almond milk (no dairy milk please).

51. I have a huge crush on Remote Sensing and Decision Support System. Why? It is a secret 😁

52. I had a terrible GPA when I was in college.

53. I really wanna have a fancy bakery in the future.

54. Big Bang ALIVE Tour was my very first Kpop Concert.

55. I went to Shah Alam for TVXQ concert and that was the most expensive concert ever in my life. A front row tix, a light stick, merchs, plus that annoying rabbit ear headpiece.

56. I attended WINNER’s concert in Nagoya, Japan on my birthday.

57. I went to Malaysia for Linkin Park concert and I forgot to bring my debit card, underwears and extra cloths. I woke up sooo late and the taxi was ready to take me to the airport so I just grabbed my bag plus passport 😭. Thank God, I met Oki the one who become my daddy long legs in Kuala Lumpur.

58. I am a plus size person.

59. I try to exercise 30 minutes every day

60. I dont have TV at my place and I rarely watch films and korean dramas

61. I used to like ice cream and cakes but not anymore. Dark chocolate is the only thing that I can tolerate.

62. I find it difficult to speak my mind without offending someone or some parties.

63. My laptop is LENOVO, Thinkpad Lenovo.

64. My shoe size is 40.5.

65. I wear braces and glasses.

66. I got a scholarship for my short course in the Netherlands last year. It was a total bittersweet memory.

67. People think my English is good, no people, you’re wrong. My English sucks.

68. I have a ‘tattoo’ on my right thigh. No, it is actually a scar, hehehe

69. You finally know what my fave numbers are.

70. I work as a research engineer but an Analyst somehow sounds more interesting.

71. I think and overthink about almost everything.

72. I can easily spend countless hours doing nothing but thinking.

73. My favorite youtube channels are Living big in a tiny house, any agricultural technology channels, any food channels, Khalid n Syafiq Riza Basalamah, Firanda Andirja, Badrusalam and any social experiment channels.

74. I am like a trash bin to some of my friends.

75. I am a good listener.

76. I am also a good advisor but I always warn people to brace themselves first before they ask for opinions.

77. I despise judgemental people.

78. I dislike ignorant people.

79. I don’t like being compared.

80. I love talking or discussing about conspiracy theories.

81. I am not an affectionate person.

82. I cannot hear couples call each other’s pet names. Shivers down my spine.

83. I am terribly bad with directions, My sense of direction is poor to the point of being ridiculous.

84. I always order hot water or lukewarm water.

85. I have 3 names of alter ego.

86. I was being betrayed by my fellow colleagues with no mercy.

87. I don’t like to follow trends.

88. I love every design from Alexander McQueen, Balmain, Chromehearts, YSL, Givenchy, Kokontozai, and Balenciaga but too bad my financial allow me to purchase none of them.

89. I have a 16 years unfinished business (update: Thank God it’s finished. Never thought that it would be that ‘easy).

90. I dislike clingy people. Shoo~~~

91. I will do something that I like wholeheartedly and vice versa.

92. I can live without Wi-Fi, handphone or laptop.

93. I am curious about almost everything that I know/wanna know. Actually, my curiosity is something that’s insatiable. But I still can handle myself.

94. I love school 😁

95. I act differently based on those names. The rest depends on Number 27.

96. I am still single 😌

97. I dont really care about age gap in a relationship. People go through a number of life changing or defining events in their lives. As long as the man has a good understanding of himself and my goals, that’s more than enough.

98. I love smart people ✌

99. “Life is not as easy as your favorite quotes” is my quote
😀

100. I was accepted as a PhD student at my previous university and would be fully funded by LPDP scholarship! 😉

October 10, 2021December 26, 2021 by thevetiaperuvia

LPDP Scholarship Journey

Holla!

Actually I still cannot believe that I was accepted. I was not confident in myself at all. Tons of worries esp regarding my super terrible undergraduate GPA plus I was not such an ‘active’ person in college (kuliah-pulang-kuliah-trs main games, gitu aja terus). To be fair I have never thought that I would apply for this scholarship 🤫

WHY?

Just because…

But then I passed the administration process, the academic test and the last stage was interview with some experts. I was on the phone talking to my parents then they did sound ‘happy’ and kept telling me to believe in myself, do the best and let God do the rest.

When the interview was taken 2 weeks ago, my internet connection got cut 4 times in a row (I used the RED provider and it was okay until that day so I was wondering why…). Despite having a panic attack, I was more like getting pissed off over the situation. I did not care anymore about my sitting posture, greetings, facial expression, and etc.

So I did not care anymore about the result 🥲

I surrender. Totally.

The interviewer kept pestering me about why IPB though, you could study abroad, you have been to WUR in The Netherlands, bla bla bla.

Well I have a lot of reasons why but Alhamdulillah for the enlightenment during Ramadan, I finally understand the ultimate reason why as a Muslim woman it is not permissible to go abroad and live alone unless being accompanied by a mahram (guardianship).

It may sound ‘ridiculous’ to many people but from my point of view, it fits to my logic 😬

But here comes the result, I finally passed the LPDP scholarship to continue a doctoral degree at IPB (again, lol).

Karena pendaftaran LPDP ini bisa dibilang tiba-tiba jadi gak ada persiapan sama sekali pas tes substansi akademik berbasis komputer (online), mungkin persiapannya cuma ‘Beli buku TPA diskonan’ yang dibaca pas H-1. Bukunya dibeli krn Emak selalu tanya “Buku TPA apa yang kamu beli buat belajar?”

Soal-soal tesnya juga bisa dibilang beda banget sama tes TPA pada umumnya. Ada yang bilang ky UTBK (I have no idea about it)

Wawancara juga sama, gak ada latihan sama sekali meskipun ada fasilitas untuk latihan (kalo ada yang follow telegram LPDP DN, ada link discord buat latihan wawancara).

Jadwal wawancara yang lumayan lama dari hasil tes substansi akademik bikin ‘terlena’. Jadi inget waktu wawancara short course Kemenristek dulu, dimana semua orang sibuk baca dan pelajari power point yang dibuat, gw sibuk main HayDay sampe ditegur sama orang dari instansi lain

“Malah main game” -Anon, 2019

Pada dasarnya, I am just a lazy hooman being 🥲

I still have to follow the next step which is PK (it is like an orientation) for a whole 2 weeks via zoom meeting, just wish me luck 🤝

Thank you for the help and support esp when I have no idea how to write strengths, weaknesses, good n bad experiences, that long a$$ essay and a complicated proposal.

Do your best, Believe in yourself and let God do the rest

1st attempt, Alhamdulillahi rabbil’aalamiin..

September 15, 2021October 14, 2021 by thevetiaperuvia

You’re gonna get crowned for sure

There is an award for the faithful one.

I think I am gonna get crowned for that cringe unworthy award for sure.

Sometimes

I just want to lecture and confine myself.

I just want to knock on some sense into myself.

The more I fight the fact, the worse I will feel.

I continue to resist, I will not be able to heal or move on.

However,

I still have an option to accept and cope with it.

I can learn to accept and cope with it,

I hope,

I will begin to heal and gain emotional strength, which will eventually lead to happiness.

June 10, 2021June 11, 2021 by thevetiaperuvia

Why so Obsessed with Doctoral Degree, Na?

A lot of people asked me that question again and again.

Let me rephrase the question, it is more like “Why so obsessed with degrees?”Surely I have different reasons to respond, it depends on whom I talk to. I will not care to explain the whole reasons to some people who do not even exist in my life 😁

Just kidding, haha.

As an Asian and a single woman myself who ain’t young anymore, questions about marriage thingy do not come from my parents/families but more like coming from people around me and they will give some lecture when they know that I have a plan to pursue a doctoral degree instead of getting married.

“Scholarships can wait but not your marital status” (I was like, whaaaattt????!!! Scholarships also have terms and conditions esp AGE)

“You’re not young anymore, the chance is sooo limited, Na. It’s gonna be hard for you to find a fine single man.” (Well, FYI, Yunho and Rob Bourdon are still single 🤭 I bet they’re gonna slap me me buuuuuut it is for real though 😎).

“You are already a master, is it necessary to pursue a doctoral degree? For what? Aiming to be a Chief? What? CEO?” (Noo, pursuing a degree is my hobby, writing proposals 40 hrs per day is also my hobby, care to elaborate?🤨).

“You should look for a husband not a scholarship” (What if I got a scholarship 1st then followed by getting a husband at that certain place? 🤔).Sadly these kind of statements and questions ain’t from my parents 😂

And I am so thankful for that.

Never once in my life, both my mom and dad keep pestering us, their kids about that kind of topic. I still have an older sister though but they do not bother asking or discussing about it. Believe it or not they keep asking about “when will you continue pursuing your degree?”…..

The main reason why I want to pursue it so hard is because I have a promise with myself. A promise which I cannot explain it publicly not even in here.

But….

It does not mean that I cannot change my mind if I get married with someone someday 🙂

Talk about priorities, ofc marriage is a top priority at some point but logically speaking, I also need to see the reality that hits so hard.

The world is still struggling to get outta this scary pandemic and I am still doing the same thing every day.

I mean…

What am I supposed to do if I just spend most of the time alone at home and office plus Supermarket once in a month for groceries shopping.

I am not seeing anyone right now 🙃

Nowadays, it is getting even harder to find a fine and nice guy,

shall we go to Mars to find a decent one?

🥲

February 15, 2021February 15, 2021 by thevetiaperuvia

Why do people hate me?

Again, it’s gonna be a long post about me and my lack skill to interact with human.

First of all, I want to say that I NEVER HATE ANYONE IN MY LIFE no matter how severe they hurt me.

Well, HATE is a strong word, so emotional and I kinda prefer to never use that word although I have a very strong urge to punch or uppercut someone when they mess with me or have me brewing. Dislike is a better word or I just simply ignore their existence by ignoring them.

I just had a meaningful conversation with a friend last night after having countless time of meaningless convos, lol

I said “Why do people hate me?”

Then my friend said “What people? Are you gonna say that people as a wholesome or just people from your office? :))”

Having the thought, “why do people hate me” lingering in my mind isn’t something that should be happening. But hey, I have to figure out if these negative emotions are because of me or them.

Based in personality test, I can be both, either INTP or INTJ, depends on my current mood while answering the questions. I am an intuitive-introvert person, it is hard for me to communicate with people that I do not know that much and I prefer to be silent even though I am in a crowded place. Well, I enjoy spending time alone, it is like having an inner world so I would rather focus my attention on my internal thoughts rather than the external world. I do not have a wide social circle, but I do have some people that I can call friends though.

A friend once said “People hate you because of jealousy. It is the usual cause of most hate from individuals and or groups in most cases, though. Others probably just crave the attention from you or because they are unhappy with something in their own lives and by putting you down somehow makes them feel better even though they’re old enough to know that behavior is totally wrong”.

I have been trying to deal with this kind of issue ever since I got accepted in this office. The problem occured when I did not gain the ‘trust’ from them for whatever thing happened.

I got bullied.

I got mistreated.

The worst thing,

I got slandered.

Don’t ask me why because that is a quadrillion dollar question. I, myself cannot answer it until now. Somehow I think the hate arises from misunderstanding or not knowing me well enough and forming judgements instead of getting to know me better. They go by the stereotypes and perhaps, I am not fitted into any type they want.

Well, obviously there can be several reasons why but mostly they judge me from things they heard about me from other people. Perhaps, I don’t look like they would like me to look. Especially when I do something a bit wrong, they’re gonna jump on the hate bandwagon 😬

It is hard to be myself and go my own way in a world full of judgemental people, but then again, I think I can try to cope with it as long as people don’t bother me 😌

I never want to impress anyone but my own parents (keep failing miserably) and I don’t see anyone as a contender 😬

January 31, 2021October 20, 2022 by thevetiaperuvia

Living with GERD and ANXIETY

I would like to share one of my biggest health problems beside SSHL.

I started getting problems with acid reflux or Gerd in 2017. First of all, I did not know those symptomps that I had experienced would be diagnosed as Gerd.

I was at my office at that time when I got the so called heartburn. I was so afraid because I thought it was a heart attack. I ordered uber to bring me to the nearest hospital. Thank God the uber driver was soooo nice. He asked me what was going on since I came in to his car frantically and I told him that my chest hurted. He kept talking to me during the ride to make sure if I was okay. The Uber driver even took me the IGD and called the nurse immediately.

Bless you, Sir!

The doctor who examined me looked so calm and he asked some questions while looking at my medical record. He asked the exact location where I felt the pain and explained how it felt like.

“Hmm based on your med records, I can assume that you’re having acid reflux right now. But to make it sure, I am gonna suggest you to have an ECG test first.”

Never thought that I would take an Electrocardiogram test. It was so uncomfortable to suddenly take off your top in front of a stranger, but thank God the operator was a female. After taking the test, the doctor said everything seemed fine so he totally convinced that I had acid reflux or gerd.

He told me to stop eating spicy food, gassy food, chocolate, coffee, tea, and etc. He even said “No bread or fried food, Miss. You can look for the details on google which food that you can consume. I am gonna give you this prescription. Don’t forget to take your medicine in the morning after waking up and just do not stress yourself out.”

Little did I know his last sentence meant a lot like A LOT.

The doctor prescribed Inpepsa and Pumpitor (later I change it to Omeprazole and Lansoprazole).

I just could not handle the dreaded pain when the gerd attacks, more like heartburn in the middle of my chest. Once it starts, it is not going away soon. If you want to know how it feels like, well imagine your chest gets punched so suddenly and you’re not aware at all. You’re shocked, panic and scared.

Gerd ini awal mulanya bisa dibilang ‘terabaikan’ dan saya sendiri mungkin gak paham kalo asam lambung mulai berulah semenjak berjibaku dengan tesis. Mulai terasa gak nyaman semenjak aktif masuk kerja dan yaa…

I just disliked my previous unit.

I got bullied for almost 8 years by them. Not gonna mention who but the bullying was too much to handle.

Paling bingung tiap mo tidur, miring kiri gak bisa krn SSHL pasti nanti bakal vertigo, miring kanan jg rada kurang nyaman krn saat itu bantal yang dipake masih satu, bukan 4 ky sekarang 🥲

Pokonya ribet banget dah

Oiya segala macam cara udah dicoba buat mengurangi heartburn. Biasanya nih berhasil beberapa hari terus nanti dipicu stress sedikit aja langsung kambuh lagi, gitu aja terus sampe fira’un makan nasi uduk.

Tapi tapi tapiiiiiiii….

I think the ultimate way to get rid of GERD is to lose weight (penting banget ini) and have smaller meals spread out through the day and don’t eat passed 7 pm.

Pernah nonton Dr. Berg di Youtube karena rekomendasi nyari Gerd. Dr. Berg reccomends having apple cider vinegar before meals and he even claims this may fix your problem as it could be that your stomach producing too little acid while on PPI and somewhere this balances your tummy.

Have a look for Dr. Berg on Youtube, he has very interesting discussions on this subject and he himself had the disease.

Tapi lagi-lagi tapi….

I am convinced, emang sphincter udah bermasalah alias gak otomatis buka-tutup ky normal makanya kenapa gampang banget si asam lambung naik dengan enaknya.

Intinya kalo kata Dokter Prima yg selalu menangani tiap konsul ke beliau…

Banyak doa minta sehat lahir batin, kurangin stress, berat badan dan makan yang bener.

Udah itu aja 🥲🥲🥲

January 31, 2021February 23, 2021 by thevetiaperuvia

Twenty Twenty

Where should we start?

Januari

Februari

Pandemi

Twenty Twenty One

That sums up everything that happened in twenty twenty.

Awal tahun saya cuma ingat banjir besar dimana-mana sampai bingung mau balik ke Serpong gimana. Kontak sana-sini tanya tol bisa dilewati atau gak. Alhamdulillah ada bus PPD yg beroperasi dan Subhanallah sekali padat isi penumpangnya, mungkin kayak di metromini pagi-pagi yang mau ke komdak.

Februari masih hujan dan mulai dengar berita tentang si virus yang mengintai dr negara tirai bambu dan dulu beberapa manusia di negara ini jumawa sekali menyepelekan si virus karena gak ada yang mengira kondisi negara sendiri dan dunia hampir seperti kena zombie apocalypse.

Korban yang tadinya masih bisa dihitung jari akhirnya sekarang sudah mencapai banyak digit. Sedihnya banyak manusia yg melihat jumlah kasus, korban meninggal dunia itu hanya seperti data statistik. Saya malas membahas ini karena pasti sudah banyak yang membahas betapa fckd upnya cara pemerintah sini mengatasi si virus. Ditambah manusianya juga banyak yang jumawa. Masih plesir sana-sini, tanpa masker dengan alasan sudah swab antigen dan negatif. Jadi boleh dong piknik dan kumpul-kumpul haha hihi lepas masker.

Ok baiklah.

Tapi untuk para pencari nafkah harian yang gak menentu, yang gak bisa kalo gak naik angkutan umum, harus bepergian keluar kota karena hukumnya wajib dari atasan, dan selama diusahakan semaksimal mungkin untuk menjalankan protokol kesehatan. Im not gonna comment on that. Mereka beda kasus.

Enough tentang cororong ini…

Jadi selama Pandemi, bisa dibilang I really wasted my time untuk kegiatan produktif. GERDnya amat sangat berulah. Tahun ini bisa puasa lumayan aman karena I just slept from 8 am to 1 pm. Jadi misalnya mulai heartburn paling gak masih bisa ditahan. Buka puasanya langsung nenggak inpepsa atau antasida, bukan kurma apalagi kue.

Status Work From Home a.k.a WFH jg berimbas pada siklus tidur dan berat badan. It was horrible, Gerd itu salah satu penyebabnya adalah kelebihan berat badan dan akhirnya setelah telat sadar, I tried to rearrange my diet plan.

Berhasil?

Tentu tidak.

Awalnya iya, tapi lagi-lagi, salah makan dikit aja harus bedrest sampe 10 hari karena gerd. Jadi dicoba diet plan yang ini yang itu sampai akhirnya lelah sendiri. Ditambah metabolisme tubuh yang juga buruk, yoyo diet menambah runyam semuanya.

Akhirnya ketemu Yulia Baltschun, Damji dan Joanna Suh. Tiga orang ini bisa dibilang membantu sekali untuk memotivasi saya menjalankan diet yang benar meskipun ada kalanya ketika mau cheat dan salah pilih menu makanan, si gerd datang menyerang. Tapi kali ini saya lebih paham dos and donts diet yang cocok tanpa harus nenggak antasida sebelum makan.

My kinda breakfast. Looks scary tapi enak kok, serius 🤤

Intinya gak ada penurunan berat badan karena cutting calories only. Harus diimbangi dengan exercise. Berhubung dokter tidak menyarankan olahraga berat, jadi saya hanya jalan kaki 5000-10.000 langkah per hari atau kalo lagi hujan, low intensity exercises 20 menit sama Joanna Suh, ada burpee juga meskipun gak pake loncat. My knees cant relate kalo harus loncat 😏

Turunnya baru 5 kg, Alhamdulillah.

Masih jauh dari target tapi entah kenapa diet plan kali ini terasa menyenangkan. Awalnya memang berat tapi nanti dengan sendirinya kita bakal aware sama apa yang kita makan.

Ngurangin jajan makanan online

Nah tentang jajan makanan online, start dari bulan Oktober kemarin akhirnya saya mencoba buat istiqomah menjalankan Project Jumat Barokah. Semampunya saya dan biasanya mulai order setelah jam 8 malam. I have my own reasons why and I have never thought that this project would make my inner self happy, like genuinely happy. I thank my parents for teaching us how to share happiness with others even just a small one. Karena bahagianya orang itu beda-beda dan benar sekali, cuma baca reply dari driver-driver yang menjalankan misi Project Jumat Barokah bisa bikin saya senyum dan ketawa sendiri. As simple as that 😊

Driver juga banyak yang baik kayak Bapak ini. He did not take a single food package at all 🥲

Twenty twenty one, harapannya masih sama tapi semoga kondisi segera pulih seperti sedia kala itu yang paling penting. Semoga diberi kesehatan lshir batin, Semoga dikasih kesempatan untuk sekolah S3 di luar negeri dengan beasiswa, Semoga kaya secara lahir batin supaya bisa upgrade Project Jumat Barokah dan mungkin semoga hilal jodoh tampak 🤫

Oh satu lagi, semoga project street feeding juga terus berjalan. Meskipun kebanyakan kucing di sekitar tempat tinggal yng jadi sasaran 😽

Tahun ini official juga salah satu anggota coolinary squad pindah unit ke Lampung. Tandem makan sama pembangkang 😏 plus tempat curhat masalah sekolah 😌 Good luck selalu di tempat baru ya Mbak Der!

December 31, 2020December 31, 2020 by thevetiaperuvia

Happy 4th Anniversary SSHL a.k.a Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss a.k.a Ear Stroke

Well, it’s gonna be a very long post about Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss (SSHL) or Sudden Deafness or Ear Stroke.

About four years ago I was losing the hearing in my left ear. It happened so fast, out of nowhere came a loud screeching sound that filled my head with pressure. The sound grew quieter into a dull ringing, the pressure continued and soon I was feeling light headed and disoriented.

The vertigo did also strike without warning. At that time I thought my life was coming to an end. I had never experienced vertigo in my life before. Plus, it happened in the middle of the night, so I just laid on the bed crying because I couldn’t do anything like texting or calling someone for help.

Then I managed to see ENT specialist at 8 am in the morning. He told me to take an Audiogram hearing test and voila~~~

I couldn’t hear anything under 120 DB (fyi it is a decibel level for rock concert). I still remembered Kichy’s face when I asked the operator while knocking at the window glass

“Sudah mulai belum tes yang sebelah kiri?”

Yeap, I couldn’t hear anything even though the operator had started the test minutes ago and that was the single most terrifying day of my life, then I realized

“Tuli nih telinga sebelah kiri”

My Audiogram Test, look at the test result for left ear, horrible

The next day I met another ENT specialist but unfortunately he ain’t good enough to give me a proper explanation about the disease and the chance that I got if I had followed his so-called-procedure. Then I googled the best ENT specialist in Jakarta. I found this name, Professor Helmi, he worked at ENT and Orthopedic SS Medika Hospital. I really recommend him to all of you who have problems with ENT,

he’s AWESOME.

Prof. Helmi just smiled at those meds that I bought. Those expensive meds wouldn’t cure SSHL as in my case it was an idiopathic SSHL.

Those expensive medicines that I had to pay

He said that he would have given intratympanic steroid injections into my left ear once a week (it did cost A LOT per shot), he didn’t promise that my hearing would get back to normal but at least this procedure might have restored my hearing up to 40%.

Intratympanic Steroid Injection Procedure (source: google)

After 5 times of treatments, I felt a change in my left ear, but not drastically. My audiogram test looked better than before. I could hear a sound at 70 DB or 90 DB 🎉 . Prof. Helmi told me to stop the treatment because it wouldn’t give any change anymore. He encouraged me to try to accept my condition, to cope with it and to live with it.

I’ve chosen to be pretty open about my partial hearing loss so I can educate people about this illness called SSHL. Also because, if I don’t respond to something they said, I don’t want them to think I was ignoring or being such an a$$ to them. I feel better to be thought deaf than rude, though, haha.

Some people even told me when I did not respond or give them such a late response “lo ini Ratu deh nad, rada tuli” then they laughed. I did not feel bad about that but when I answered them “yes, emang tuli sebelah, hahaha” suddenly the atmosphere became dull 😂😂😂

It was really weird and awkward.

So take care of your health friends, don’t get stressed too much. I know it is easier said than done. But trust me, it ain’t comfortable to hear static sound in your ear all the time even when you want to sleep soundly at night ❤️

November 27, 2020 by thevetiaperuvia